u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
