I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
