the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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