I wish I only lived at night.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
