My friends, they love my intelligence
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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