Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
