Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
