I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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