planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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