I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
