remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
