yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
