apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
