Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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