We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
