And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
