Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
