D3 body, D1 cock
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
