Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
