my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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