I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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