hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
third nipple confirmed
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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