Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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