DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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