she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwadâ€
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