Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
