I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
