1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
