a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
whose ass print is on the piano?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
