honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I smell stomach acid.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
