I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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