Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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