Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
