marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
