..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
