Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
