While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
