he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
