Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
