That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
