You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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