He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just high enough for therapy.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
