I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
