Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
