who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
The air taste purple.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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