True but thats because hes a fetus.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
