Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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