She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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