at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
