I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
