it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My balls are so social today.
i came on her dog
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
