I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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